


Moving On

by dreamhuntersmood



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Canon Universe, Cas gets a job, Cas’s powers are fading, Dean gets hit on by a cowboy, Dean is having dreams about Cas, Destiel - Freeform, Drunk Dean, Jealous Dean Winchester, M/M, Post season 15 break-up, Sharing a Bed, cas makes a friend, sam is tired
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-29
Updated: 2019-10-29
Packaged: 2021-01-08 01:13:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 19,467
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21227345
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dreamhuntersmood/pseuds/dreamhuntersmood
Summary: Castiel, or Cas, as Sam and Dean call him. Dean gave him that nickname long ago. Cas wondered why he called him that at the time. Stuff like that didn’t make sense to him back then. He was Castiel, Angel of the lord, now he’s just Cas, the screw up. The reason everything goes wrong, according to Dean. It had only been a few hours since dean had uttered those painful words to him “why does that something always seem to be you?” It hurt Cas immensely that dean, his best friend, would say that to him. He didn’t think he’d ever felt as much pain in his thousands of years of existence as he did in that moment. He couldn’t stop the tears as he listened to dean’s words. He told dean there was nothing left to say and that he needed to move on. Not just from the bunker, or his family, but he needed to move on from Dean. He couldn’t be around him if all he ever did was treat him like dirt. So he left. He walked up the stairs of the bunker, walked out the door and didn’t look back.





	1. Castiel, or Cas

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first try at writing a fic. Sorry if it sucks:p

Castiel, or Cas, as Sam and Dean call him. Dean gave him that nickname long ago. Cas wondered why he called him that at the time. Stuff like that didn’t make sense to him back then. He was Castiel, Angel of the lord, now he’s just Cas, the screw up. The reason everything goes wrong, according to Dean. It had only been a few hours since dean had uttered those painful words to him “why does that something always seem to be you?” It hurt Cas immensely that dean, his best friend, would say that to him. He didn’t think he’d ever felt as much pain in his thousands of years of existence as he did in that moment. He couldn’t stop the tears as he listened to dean’s words. He told dean there was nothing left to say and that he needed to move on. Not just from the bunker, or his family, but he needed to move on from Dean. He couldn’t be around him if all he ever did was treat him like dirt. So he left. He walked up the stairs of the bunker, walked out the door and didn’t look back. 

Now he was driving his truck listening to a classic rock radio station. Dean loves classic rock. The thought annoyed him and made him sad at the same time. He shut of the radio and tried not to think. He drove and drove not really going anywhere. He just wanted to forget everything. He just wanted to forget Dean. He loves Dean. Not just as a friend or brother. He wants more than that. He wanted more than that before he even knew what feelings were. Years ago he talked to an angel named Anna about his feelings. She told him the feelings he was experiencing for the first time were human feelings. She said they wouldn’t get any better. She was right. His feelings towards Dean never slowed, they only grew the longer he spent with the man. Cas thinks he fell in love with Dean the moment he saw his soul in hell. Dean doesn’t feel the same way. As far as Cas knows Dean doesn’t care about him at all anymore. Maybe he did once. Dean told him that he was a brother and part of the family. But all that was over now. Cas had messed up too many times. Cas thought back to the time Dean was on his knees telling him “I need you.” need. It was always need. Never want. The Winchester’s only needed Cas for his powers. They never wanted him around. All this thinking was driving Cas insane. 

He needed a place to go to take his mind off things. But where? Cas didn’t have a clue what he was going to do now that he was alone. His powers were fading. He felt tired. Which is not good. It meant his powers were so low he was needing to do human things. Cas looked ahead and spotted a motel. He decided he should stay there for the night.


	2. Whiskey

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean has a rough night

Dean was lying awake in his bed in the bunker listening to music so loud he thinks he might burst his eardrums. He wouldn’t care at this point.  Who needs to hear all the bullshit people say anyway? He wishes he didn’t have to hear the all the bullshit he says. But he can’t escape his mind. But he can drink. He’s drinking whiskey. He’d been saving this particular bottle. Because he knew he would get into another fight with Cas. And he needed to be prepared. His angel was gone. And probably never coming back. “Oh well screw em.” Dean says to no one. After he finished the bottle plus the beers he had lying beside his bed, he walks into the kitchen to find more poison to drown his sorrows in. He finds Sam sitting at the table. Looking intently at his laptop, as usual. “Hey Sammy, how’s the vegan messssage board going?” 

“It’s not a message board dean. I’m looking for more recipes.”

“Well good for you, I’m looking for more booze. S’there any left?”

“Dean are you drunk?”

“..so?”

“Where’s Cas?”

“What does Cassss gotta do with booze Sammy?”

Sam sighes and stands up to grab dean by the shoulder

“Alright time for bed Dean.”

“But I didn’t get my booze.”

“You’ve had enough”

“No such thing Sammy”

“Alright come on”

Sam dragged Dean to his room and pushed him to his bed. Sam can’t stand drunk Dean.

He would figure out what happened with him and Cas later. Whatever happened it must have been bad. For now he’s going to let his brother sleep.


	3. What Dreams are Made Of

Dean was in in the impala. The sun was shining through the windshield and dean could barely see. He reached across the dashboard and opened the glovebox to get his sunglasses. He thinks he looks cool in them. And maybe he wants to show off a bit to his shotgun rider. Cas sat in the passenger, looking at the road smiling. It was a perfect day, sunny and calm. He looked over at Cas. The glare from the sun made Cas look so damn good. It made his blue eyes shine. _Damn what a view_. He looked back at the road finally. Dean saw Cas look at him through the corner of his eyes. That’s the benefit of wearing sunglasses, no one can see where you’re looking, Cas didn’t know Dean could see him staring. Cas is rather obvious sometimes. He looked at Dean with a fond expression. Dean smirked. The music got louder all the sudden. Dean can’t remember if he saw Cas turn up the volume. Dean’s top 13 zepp traxx was in the tape deck. Dean loved that tape, that’s why he thought Cas should have it. Listening to it and knowing what it meant for him and Cas gave him butterflies. They rode together in companionable silence. Dean liked that about Cas. He didn’t feel like he had to talk with him. He just sat and enjoy their time together. But today he wanted to talk to Cas. He wondered what was going on in the brain under that halo of his. Before he could ask Cas spoke.

“I want to take jack to a museum. Don’t you think he would like that Dean?”

“Uh yeah I guess, most kids would be bored out of their minds at a museum, but yeah I think jack would enjoy it.”

“You can come too if you want.”

The thought of going to a museum made Dean yawn. Besides he’d been to one too many of those on cases looking for ghosts. But hanging out with Cas, watching him teach Jack about history? That sounded like something Dean was interested in.

“Yeah I’ll go, to make sure the kid doesn’t break anything.”

“Dean”

“I’m kidding, yes Cas I’ll go to the museum with you.”

Cas smiled. Seeing Cas smile made Dean feel warm inside. He had to be blushing, he could feel it.

“Dean, can I tell you something?”

“Sure Cas, what’s up?”

“With all that’s been going on between us” he paused “I want you to know something.”

“Okay?”

“Dean if-“

Suddenly everything goes black. Dean here’s a crashing sound and jumps up. He was dreaming. He groans and rubs his face. _So stupid_, dean thought. Why did he keep having these dreams? Where everything is perfect and he’s with Cas. It makes getting up a pain in the ass. He wondered if he would ever stop having the dreams. He stood up to go to the bathroom. He groaned again when he felt the pain in his head. He didn’t think he drank all that much last night. But apparently he did. He couldn’t remember anything that happened after Cas left. Probably for the best. The words Dean said to Cas before he left, how he raised his voice and told him that he’s always that something that goes wrong. He didn’t mean it. Well he partially meant it. Cas was what went wrong with Dean. Dean wasn’t supposed to be feeling this way for a man, much less a friggen Angel. He regrets everything he said. But there’s no changing it now. Dean fucked up and now Cas is gone for good. Anyway the feelings Dean had? Fake, like every other thing Chuck, or God, created. Nothing was real to him anymore. His whole life was a lie. Just a simulation set up by the curly headed dickbag. He wanted to kill that son of a bitch for everything he put his family through. He decided he’ll go get breakfast for now.


	4. Where’s Cas?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is from Sam’s point of view

Sam sat in the kitchen drinking coffee. He heard Dean’s loud shuffling coming down the hall. He knew his brother had woke up when Sam accidentally dropped a coffee mug earlier. He cursed himself for being so clumsy. He needed to talk to Dean about what happened with Cas. But talking with Dean isn’t the easiest thing to do. Especially right now with everything going on. Dean doesn’t do feelings. Except he does, Dean feels emotions so strongly he just doesn’t want, or know how to deal with them. Dean walked into the kitchen and grabbed a cup of coffee and sat down opposite of Sam at the table. Sam gave Dean a look. 

“Sam don’t even-”

“Where’s Cas” 

Dean sighed “I don’t know he just left, like he does. He said something about taking a case. He’ll be back.”

Sam knew Dean was lying but he wasn’t going to pressure Dean to talk just yet. He could get all the info he needed from Dean without him even saying anything. He could read Dean like a book. He’ll figure out what happened, Dean’s not as subtle as he thinks. He leaves clues about what he’s feeling. And Sam knows how to spot those clues. He’s been doing it his whole life. Sam knows Dean loves Cas. And Sam knows Cas loves Dean. Sam also knows they’re a couple of dumbasses that don’t know how to communicate. With Rowena dying, Sam is going through his own issues and he needs to focus on himself as well.

“Maybe we should find a case too. Help take our minds of things?”

“Yeah. hey man I’m sorry about what happened to Rowena. I know you cared about her. She went out like a hero.”

“Yeah she did. She saved us Dean, can you believe Rowena, the woman who claimed not to care about anything, gave her life to save us?” Dean just nodded.

“Alright then Sam, find us a case I’ll go get ready.”

“Sure thing.”

Sam wanted to just lay in bed all day, but if he let himself do that he’d never leave. He had to keep fighting.


	5. The Motel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas is becoming more and more human.

Cas was lying in his bed at the motel. The tv was playing some cartoon. _Bet Jack would love that_, Cas thought. _Loved. bet Jack would’ve loved that. Before he died_. Cas felt miserable. His son was dead, his powers were failing, Dean didn’t care anymore, and he’d just found out his father was a liar and was never what he thought he was. Cas didn’t know how much longer he could keep going. His life was falling apart. He just woke up. He didn’t need to sleep as much as a human just yet. He still had a little power. But not enough do to anything with. He felt hungry. That feeling is something he couldn’t get used to. He’d been human before. He was homeless after Dean kicked him out of the bunker. Right when he needed a home he couldn’t have it. That time is similar to what’s happening now. Except Cas chose to leave this time.

He got up and looked at himself in the mirror. He looked..messy. The motel he was staying in served breakfast. _I can’t go down there looking like this_, Cas thinks. He goes to the bathroom and turns on the hot water in the shower. He strips off his clothes and gets in. The hot water against his skin felt so good. He closed his eyes and almost went back to sleep. He just stood there for a long time letting the water run over him. He let his mind linger and he thought of Dean. He figured he shouldn’t be thinking of him while naked in the shower, so he pushed that thought away and tried focused on washing his hair, he thought about how messed up everything had become. How he didn’t have any friends or family anymore. He started to cry. Once Cas was done with his shower he stepped out to put on his clothes. He realized that his clothes were dirty and that wasn’t really appropriate attire for a human going to get breakfast anyway. He never cared before. He remembered he keeps one of deans shirts and a pair of jeans in his truck. It was a back up just in case they needed it and didn’t have the impala. It was Dean’s idea. He went out and grabbed the clothes. It was a plain black t-shirt and light blue pair of jeans. He took the clothes back inside his room and changed into them. They smelled like Dean. Cas hated that. It smelled like the laundry detergent from the bunker and dean’s distinct smell that smells like the earth after it rains mixed with his cologne that he swears he doesn’t use. He needed to find new clothes fast.

He walked down to where breakfast was being served. He looked at the bacon and the scrambled eggs and his stomach growled. He grabbed a plate and sat down. He looked across the room. There was an old couple sitting at a table to the left of him. A younger couple sitting to his right with a child that was staring at him funny. Cas wondered if he had something on his face. The woman just smiled at him.

“Sorry about him, he’s got a bit of a staring problem.”

Then proceeded to tell the child about how it’s not nice to stare. Cas only recently figured that out himself. After he finished his breakfast, he got up to throw his plate away. He noticed a sign on the wall that read “help wanted: berens kwik trip” Cas did need money now that he needed to take care of himself. He sees that the kwik trip is just across the road from the motel. He decides it couldn’t hurt just to check it out.


	6. Cowboys and Angels

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things get slightly steamy in this chapter for Dean;) Nothing too crazy just yet though.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had this and two more chapters already written, so that’s why I’m adding new chapters so fast. I’ll add the other two soon:)

Sam and Dean were at beaverdale high school where two students died recently, one was a girl another was a boy. Both were cheerleaders. It was an everyday ghost hunt and wouldn’t take long for the boys to solve. After questioning the witnesses Sam and Dean checked in to a motel close to the high school.

Dean was acting like an idiot. Making inappropriate jokes and drinking while working the case. _He hasn’t been this bad in awhile_, Sam thinks.

  
“So we got everything we need to gank this ghost?”

“Yup let’s head out.”

Sam and Dean got in the impala to go burn the ghost’s bones. For the first time in a long time it was as simple as that. They burned the bones and saved the day without any problems. Sam was grateful as this almost never happened. When they got back to the motel Dean changed his closed and brushed his teeth.  
  
“Are you going somewhere?” Sam asked.

“Yeah. There’s a bar a few blocks down, wanna come?”

“No thanks. Dean are you sure that’s the best idea right now?”

“Sam stop freaking out. I’m just gonna go have a few drinks and a cheeseburger, no big deal.”

“Alright then be safe.”

“Yeah yeah”

Sam sighed and layed down on one of the beds and fell asleep as soon as he closed his eyes.

Dean arrived at the bar around 9:30 pm. He stepped inside and went and took a seat and ordered tequila, he thought of that one country song called tequila. The song was fitting for how Dean felt at the moment. After he took a few shots he looked across the room and saw a man leaning against the bar. All he could he see was the mans black hair. _Shit is that_\- No it wasn’t Cas. The man looked similar to Cas, but was no where near as attractive. it was messing with deans already buzzed head. _Of course I came to the bar where Cas’s doppelgänger is_. The man smiled and gave Dean a small wave when he caught his eye. Dean raised his drink at him then took another shot. _Ah what the hell_? _I did come here to have fun_. Dean stood up and walked over to the man. He figured he could at least share a drink with the guy. As he got closer his resemblance to Cas became more apparent. He had blue eyes. of course. He was wearing a brown collared shirt tucked into wrangler jeans with a big belt buckle that had a bull on it. He was wearing cowboy boots.

“Hey how’s it going I’m Dean, nice to meet ya”

“Hey there handsome I’m Chris” _Whoa hold on, handsome? This guy isn’t flirting with me right? I’m not gay._

“What’s someone like you doing here? if you don’t mind me asking.” Chris asked

“I’m just on the road and stopping by, heard this was a good place to get trashed” Dean grinned.

Chris smiled. When he smiled he lowered his head and looked shy, he had dimples. Dean had to admit that was a little cute. _Nope not gay._

“So Dean why are you looking to get trashed tonight?”

“Uh well that’s a long story, we’d be here all night if I got into it.”

“Well I wouldn’t too much mind being with you all night.”

Dean realized Chris had a bit of a southern accent. Dean did like cowboys. _Again not gay_. It had to be the buzz that was making him look so attractive. Dean realized Chris had been talking for about two minutes before Dean started to listen to what he was saying.

“So yeah I came here because there’s a rodeo in town and I need to win so I can do that.”

_Do what_? Dean didn’t hear that part so he just nodded and gave him a weak smile.

“You’re not listening to a thang I say are ya bud?”

“Truthfully no, sorry I got a lot on my mind”

“It’s alright man, hey well maybe I could help you forget about everything just for tonight. Whaddaya say?”

He flashed a grin at Dean and gave him a wink. He leaned into dean’s side and looked up at him while waiting for his answer. Dean looked into Chris’s blue eyes and thought of Cas. He didn’t want to sleep with this guy. Dean scoffed and looked away.

“Give it a rest buddy I’m not looking for that.”

“Okay, okay you made yourself clear. I’ll leave you to it then. But if you change your mind I’ll be over there.”

He pointed to one of the booths in the bar then got up and walked away.

This night was not going how Dean planned. He wanted to get away from things that reminded him of Cas. But that was damn near impossible. Dean decided he should just head back to the motel before he gets drunk. He didn’t even get a cheeseburger.

When Dean got back he quietly walked passed Sam to go take a shower. He stepped in and let the water wash over him. He thought about Chris and how he looked just like Cas. But he’d never be Cas. Cas was unique. There was no one else like him on this earth. He thought about how Cas was way more muscled than Chris. His eyes were a prettier shade of blue. Cas’s eyes were like the ocean, Chris’s were like a swimming pool. Too bright and shallow. Cas’s eyes were deep and dark and had meaning. Cas eyes looked like they held the secrets of the universe. Dean let himself think of Cas. How Cas use to look at him, how he would step into his personal space. How deep his voice was when he said Dean’s name. All these thoughts traveled straight downward Dean realized. He was embarrassed that just thinking of Cas does that to him. _I’m not gay_ dean thinks as he grabbed his length. He stroked himself slow thinking of it being Cas’s hand instead of his own. He closed his eyes and thought of Cas touching him. Then he pictured what Cas would look like on his knees using his mouth on Dean while looking up at him. That thought pushed him over the edge. Once he finished he felt all sorts of wrong for doing that. Cas was his best friend he should not be having these thoughts about him. But it wasn’t the first time he did this while thinking of him. _Okay so maybe it’s a little gay_. He’s lucky Cas wasn’t in the other room. Or he would’ve picked up on his “longing” for him. That would’ve been too embarrassing. _Now I’m going to go to sleep and pretend that didn’t happen. _That night Dean dreamed of Cas again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for skipping straight through the case the boys were working on. I didn’t want to get too caught up in it. I’m not looking to write a novel here lol and I’m not good at picturing how the boys would deal with the case anyway. Also sorry for any spelling errors I failed to notice:)


	7. The Night Shift

Cas got the job at berens kwik trip. They told him he could start working immediately. So now he was working the cash register and keeping the burritos warm.  _ I love burritos  _ Cas thinks. Randomly Cas felt a ping in what little of the grace he had left. It felt like.. Dean? Was Dean trying to pray to him or something? It was probably nothing, his grace wasn’t behaving normally after all. He felt it for a few minutes then it went away. Strange, it didn’t feel like a distress signal. Maybe he should text Sam and see if Dean was okay.  _ No bad idea _ . If something was really wrong Sam would call him. Even if he did Cas didn’t know if he would go to them or not. He was done being used by them. He saw they were in the same town as him working a case. He didn’t run into them, but hearing that the case was solved by the FBI was enough for Cas to know it was them. Hopefully they would be gone soon so Cas could get back to focusing on his work. Cas wished it didn’t have to be this way. He would rather be with Sam and Dean right now solving a case. But working wasn’t so bad. He met a friend, his name was Shaun. Shaun worked the same shift as him and they hung out and laughed together when business was slow. Shaun was around Cas’s age, or rather, his vessels age. He had dark hair and dark eyes and dark skin, he was Native American. He was a bit shorter than Cas.  _ He’s good looking_. Cas wasn’t ashamed to think that. Shaun was funny. He made Cas laugh several times during the time they spent together.

“Cas! man can you come help me out over here?”

Cas walked over to him to see what the problem was. Someone spilled their coffee on the floor. It looked like Shaun had slipped and fell, which was a little amusing to Cas.

Shaun squinted up at Cas. “You know I can see you trying not to laugh right?”

Cas smiled “Here come on get up”

Cas grabbed shaun’s hands and helped him up.

“Aye thank you Cas, you’re an angel.”

That scared Cas for a second, but he knew what he meant.

“No, I’m no angel and you’re welcome.”

Shaun just smiled at that.

“Ah shit man look at my clothes what am I going to do?”

He walked into the back of the store to the staff only bathroom. Cas followed him. Nobody was in the store besides them, they were about to close. Shaun looked in the mirror.

“I smell like coffee ugh”

Cas brought Shaun an extra shirt that was stored in a closet.

“Here you go”

Shaun took off his shirt. This surprised Cas, that he wasn’t ashamed for Cas to see him shirtless.

“What? You look like you just saw a ghost.”

“No I would look a lot more scared if I saw a ghost”

Shaun gave him a funny look and grabbed the new shirt from him and threw it on.

Cas looked at how Shaun’s stomach stretched as he pulled the shirt over his head.  _ This is what the humans call hot  _ Cas thinks. Cas walked back to the front of the store back to the cash register. He was reminded of Dean again. Every time he thought of him he felt sad. He didn’t want to feel sad anymore. So he had to stop thinking about him. Easier said than done. He stood with his hands rested on the counter looking at the ground.

“Is there something wrong Cas?”

“No just thinking”

“About you’re friends, the ones you left?”

Cas told Shaun a bit of what happened but obviously he couldn’t tell him the whole story.

“Yes, I can’t help but wonder what they’re doing.”

“I understand that. I left my family long ago, well okay they kicked me out when I was 16 actually.”

Cas gave Shaun an empathetic look.

“I’m sorry to hear that Shaun.”

“Ah it’s no big deal, who needs em.”

“Yeah who needs them” Cas responded.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really liked writing this chapter! I’d like to see Cas to find a new friend in the actual show, he deserves it:(


	8. Playing Games

It had been a few days since Cas left. Sam was starting to get a little worried now. Dean was really upset and Sam had to fix this now. And Sam missed Cas too. Sam thought of Cas as his best friend. He sent Cas a text:

S: [hey Cas, how have you been? I know something happened between you and dean and I want you to know you can talk to me about it if you want.]

C: [hi Sam. I’ve been alright. Yes something did happen with Dean and I. I’m sorry you have to be in the middle of it. I don’t want to bother you.]

S: [Cas, you could never bother me. I know deans said some mean things to you lately. But you got to know me and dean aren’t the same person. I’ll be here whenever you need me man. I don’t blame you for anything Cas.]

C: [thank you Sam. That means a lot to me. Maybe we could meet up one day and dicuss what happened?]

S: [sounds great! I could do today if that’s alright with you? Around 2:00?]

C: [yes I can do that as well I’ll meet you at berens kwik trip. In beaverdale? I believe you were just there correct?]

S: [yeah we were! I didn’t know you were there too. Okay sounds good I’ll see you there.]

As he sent that last message, dean walked into the library where Sam was sitting at the table.

“Who you texting? Your life coach?”

_ It’s more like I’m the life coach _Sam thought

“What do want Dean? Have you talked to Cas? I haven’t heard from him.”

Hopefully that would make Dean think he wasn’t texting Cas.

“Oh uh yeah he called me earlier and told me he was taking another case.”

“Uh huh.” Sam said sarcastically

“Sam” Dean warned

“Dean”

“FINE okay. Cas didn’t call me. I ain’t got no clue where, CASanova is.”

Sam laughed at that. Cas was no where close to being a casanova, that would be Dean’s style.

“You have to talk to him eventually Dean.”

“Maybe I don’t wanna talk to him.”

Sam gave his brother his famous bitch face. Dean rolled his eyes.

“Even if I did. He wouldn’t want to talk to me.”

“Okay fine.” Sam sighed giving up

“Don’t talk to him then. Giving him some time might be better anyway.”

Sam was making his brother think he won when really he didn’t want Dean looking for Cas right then, because he was about to go meet him. He didn’t want Dean knowing about their meet up.

Dean didn’t want to spend another second without Cas. Now that Cas left Dean could only think about how much he took him for granted. He just wanted him back. He missed the angel like crazy. It was all he thought about. No amount of alcohol could drown out how much he missed him. It made his heart ache and dean didn’t know how much longer he could handle it. And it was all his fault. It really felt like they broke up even though they weren’t together. What’s funny is this wasn’t the first non-breakup breakup they’ve had. They had split up a number of times over the years. Each time left dean feeling lost.

“Okay well I’m going to go get some groceries I’ll be back.”

Sam got up and quickly walked past the map table and towards the stairs to leave the bunker.

Dean watched his brother with a questioning look as he practically ran across the room.

“What’s the rush Sam? Your produce ain’t going anywhere.”

“What? Oh shut up.”

Sam hopped up the stairs and left the bunker. Dean knew he was up to something. Nobody, not even salad loving Sam, is that eager to go buy groceries. Dean made that face where he puts his lips out and looks around like he’s pondering something. _Who was Sam texting? A lady friend maybe? No_. He doubted Sam would be talking to a woman right after Rowena’s death. He could tell he had a thing for her. Just a little strange, with her being so old. But who was Dean to judge? He was in love with a nearly 4 billion year old wave of celestial intent. Yeah Dean was in love. No matter how much he pushed it down. He still tried everyday to push his feelings away but as he’s got older, he’d found it more and more pointless to fight it. While he might not be able to admit it out loud to anyone right now, especially Cas, Dean had finally admitted to himself he loved Cas. He came to this conclusion in his mind about five years ago, when Cas was being possessed by Lucifer. He was worried sick. He couldn’t bare to think about what Cas was being put through. He was sitting with Sam by a lake after just finding out Cas was possessed. This is when he knew he loved him and he’d do anything to get him back. He felt the same now. But he couldn’t go and beg Cas for forgiveness after the show he put on. It would be pathetic and make him look like a hypocrite. He was a hypocrite, he could admit that to himself too. He knew he really made a mess of things. But whatever. It didn’t matter. Nothing he did mattered anymore. What he did to Cas was kind of like a game for Dean, as twisted as it sounds. He wanted to push Cas to see if he would break. He needed someone to be mad at for his mom’s death. Couldn’t be mad at Jack, because he was dead. Cas was the closest person he could blame. He was mad at Cas for other reasons too. For everything they had together that wasn’t real. About a week ago, Dean was talking to Cas. He asked him what about all of this was real. Cas told him they were. Him and Cas. Their relationship was real. Dean wasn’t so sure. Now that Chuck was gone and Cas could decide what he wanted to do on his own? he left. And that’s what Dean’s game was intended to do. He wanted to see if Cas would leave him. He never expected Cas to actually do it. Dean looked around the bunker. _Sam was acting sketchy. I should’ve offered to go with him. He’s not going to see Cas right? He better not be._


	9. Strawberry Banana Smoothies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one switches back and forth from Sam and Cas’s point of view.

Sam was on his way to go meet Cas. He was ready to see him again. He loved Cas like a brother and he missed him. Sam was on Cas’s side this time instead of Dean’s. He would stick with his brother until the end but that didn’t mean he had to agree with everything he did. Dean was being an asshole to Cas. And Sam was sure that was why Cas left. He didn’t blame him. There had been times when Sam wanted to leave, he hadn’t felt that urge recently though. Things were messed up sure, but Sam was content with where he was. He loved the bunker, with it’s all it’s knowledge just waiting for him to discover. 

He could spend the whole day reading the books in the library. There were some books that he even liked to go back to and reread. If he left for good, those books would not stay organized and would probably be all over the floor. Sam was not about to leave and let Dean do that to his books. Sam shook his head and smiled while driving. He took the impala, hopefully Dean wouldn’t be too mad when he realized he wasn’t going to get groceries. He would explain where he really went when he got back. He knew Dean would be mad, but he didn’t see a reason to lie. He only lied about where he was going because otherwise he would’ve never let Sam go.

Cas was sitting on a picnic table outside the store. He didn’t have to work that day. But he liked to get lunch there. He bought two strawberry banana smoothies. One for him and one for Sam. It reminded him of the case him and Sam took where the whole town was under a spell and were obsessed with milkshakes. That was a strange day. He heard the impala drive up and he waved at Sam. Sam walked over and gave Cas a quick hug. Cas wasn’t expecting it so he didn’t stand up, he reached his arm up at an angle and half hugged him back. Their hugs were always awkward. Maybe it was because both Sam and Cas were just awkward in general. 

“Is that smoothie for me? Thanks Cas.”

Sam sat down and took a sip of the smoothie.

“So, uh why did you want to meet here?”

“I work here.”

“Really? That’s great Cas! You like working here?” Sam looked at the store. It looked like it had been there for a long time.

“Yes I do actually. It gives me something to focus on and makes me feel like I have a purpose.”

Sam was thinking  _you already had a purpose, with us_.  But he couldn’t say that.

“Well, I’m glad.”

“How is Dean?” Cas looked off to the side like he didn’t really want to know.

“Dean is.. well Dean.” Sam huffed a laugh

“He’s not doing good Cas. And I- I don’t say that to um make you feel guilty.. or anything. It’s not your fault.” Sam hated how that came out. He cringed.

“Yeah try telling him that.” Cas looked angry.

“I know. I’m sorry Cas. Dean’s being a dick, he’s going through a lot right now.”

“Well so are we. You don’t see us lashing out.”

“Yeah well you and I are better at controlling our emotions than Dean.” It wasn’t an excuse. Sam didn’t have a good argument for Dean this time.

“You’re right Cas, Dean needs to get ahold of himself.” Sam paused and looked Cas in the eyes.

“Dean didn’t mean whatever he said, he loves you Cas.”

Cas looked away. Dean had never told Cas he loved him.

“But I understand why you left. I don’t expect you to come back. If you want to be done with him I’ll respect that. Do you want to be done with him?”

Cas looked at his smoothie. “No. I don’t. But I can’t be around him with the way he’s behaving.”

“I get that. I do. Do you want to talk about what happened before you left? You don’t have to.”

“I was explaining to him what went wrong. Belphegor turned on us. He was planning on taking over Hell. Sam he would have been a real threat if I didn’t stop him.”

Sam understood. He was angry that Rowena had to die because of it. But that wasn’t Cas’s fault, it was Belphegor’s. Sam would’ve done the same thing.

“Dean was mad that I didn’t stick to the plan. I told him something went wrong like it always does. And he told me “why does that something always seem to be you” he said those exact words.”

_What the hell Dean, how am I supposed to defend that_ ? 

Sam made pained face.

“Shit Cas. You didn’t deserve that. It’s not true. I think Dean knows that. I’m not going to defend him though.”

“Thank you.”

“When I get home I’m going to kick his ass.”

“What has he been doing?”

“Drinking. That’s it. just drinking.”

Cas frowned.

“What have you been doing?”

“I’ve been looking for cases. And trying to figure out what to do next. What about you? Besides working?”

“I’ve been staying in the motel across the street. And hanging out with Shaun.”

“Shaun?”

“A guy I work with. He’s really nice.”

_ Uh oh. Deans not gonna like that_

“ That’s good to hear Cas. Glad you have a friend.”

“Me too. He asked me if I wanted to go out to eat with him tomorrow night.”

_Oh no. Oh nooo Deans really not gonna like that. That sounds like a date_.

“Oh?” Sam blinked and tilted his head his eyes were wide

Cas stared. Why did Sam look at him like that? He was acting strange. Cas didn’t understand Sam like he did Dean. But he admired Sam’s compassion. Sam rarely lost hope. Or if he did he didn’t show it.

“Well that’s nice.” Sam cleared his throat.

They finished their smoothies and made more small talk.

“Uh so it was nice talking to you Cas. Promise we’ll do this again sometime?”

“Promise.” They smiled at each other.

They both got up and Cas initiated the hug this time. It went better than the last one. Cas was proud of himself for that. He nodded at Sam.

Cas decided not to tell Sam about his grace fading. He didn’t want him to worry.

Sam got back in the impala.  _What am I going to tell Dean when I get home? That Cas is doing just fine without him? That he has a job and he even has a date with a guy? Maybe that would make him get his head out of his ass._ He wouldn’t tell Dean about Cas’s date, if that’s what it was, he was not about to ruin a good thing for Cas.


	10. Pranks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is just Dean having a flashback to a fun moment team free will had. (around season 12)

Dean was still at the bunker nine hours later. Waiting for Sam. He called Sam when a few hours had passed after he left. Sam answered saying he got side tracked but that he was okay, then hung up on him. _Really Sam? Grocery shopping?_ He could’ve came up with a better excuse than that. He went to see Cas. Dean knew it. They would go behind his back like that sometimes. It irritated Dean.

Dean thought back to one time when Claire came over for a few days. They were bored at the bunker and couldn’t go anywhere because of bad weather, so they ended up playing pranks on each other the whole day. And of course Sam and Cas teamed up and got Claire to hide under Dean’s bed. So when Dean sat down on the side of the bed Claire grabbed his legs. It didn’t scare him. Okay maybe it scared him a little. But he definitely didn’t squeal like a little girl or anything. Dean got them back individually. For Cas’s prank Dean made a mock pie that was just vanilla pudding with whipped cream piled on top of it. He prayed to Cas to come into his room so he could hide and wait for him. Then when he walked in. Splat! Right in the face. He laughed so hard seeing Cas’s face covered.

“Haha I got you good Cas!”

“Yes. You did. Get me good.” Cas said flatly

Cas wasn’t mad, which made it less fun. He licked the pie right off and used his fingers to get the spots he couldn’t reach with his tongue. 

He smiled at Dean and said “Thank you Dean that was delicious.”

Dean looked at him with a unamused look, he couldn’t tell if Cas was being smug or not. Cas was hard to prank.

He could get Sam though. Sam had fallen asleep in one of the chairs in the library while reading a book. Cas, Claire, and Mary were sitting at the table as well. Dean snuck over to Sam with a permanent marker. Claire and Cas tried not to laugh while Mary acted like she didn’t approve of the prank, but she was smiling. Dean drew a thick mustache on Sam’s face and a unibrow. Then he wrote “butt licker” on his forehead. When Sam woke up no one said a thing and pretended everything was normal. Dean went on about his day until he heard Sam yell “DEEEEAAANN!!” Sam stomped down the hall into Dean’s room.

“What’s up Sammy?” Dean asked nonchalantly

“So I was video calling Eileen just now. And she signed the words, hi butt licker, to me.”

“Oh man” Dean bent over laughing

“Yeah. You’re so childish Dean that wasn’t even a good prank!”

“Did Eileen laugh?”

“I’ve never seen her laugh harder.”

“Ha! See then it was a good prank!”

Sam smiled and rolled his eyes. It was good Sam made Eileen laugh even though he was embarrassed.

Dean came back to reality. He wanted to cry thinking about how good they once had it. He had his Mom. He had Sam. He had Cas and Claire. Sam had Eileen. Those two were perfect for each other. It was such a terrible shame when they heard she had died. Now everything was screwed up. Cas was gone. Claire wasn’t the same since Kaia died. How could she be? Losing someone is hard, something Dean knew all too well. And of course, his Mom. Dean had to go through losing his Mom twice. No one should have to do that. It wasn’t fair. But Dean was eternally grateful for the time he got with her. Dean wanted so badly to go back to the way things were.

About five hours later. Dean heard Sam open the bunker door. Dean was about light into Sam for lying. He was going to get some answers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would give anything to see an episode where everyone just chills in the bunker and has fun😭


	11. Drowning

Sam walked into the bunker. He knew what was coming.  _This is going to be fun_.  He hears Dean stomping down the hall.

“Well hello there. Find the groceries okay?”

“I’ll explain Dean just let me-“

“You don’t have to explain Sam. I know you went and saw Cas. So don’t even try to lie.”

“I wasn’t going to. I went and saw Cas. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.”

“So what did you and Cas talk about hmm? How fucked up I am?”

“No Dean. Will you just let me talk?”

“Sure Sam go right ahead.” Dean glared at Sam waiting

“Okay so Cas is upset. Understandably so.”

“So him being upset is understandable but not me.”

“Will you shut up?”

“Fine okay. Continue.”

“I offered to go visit him and talk. He’s got a job up in Beaverdale, I met him there. That’s why it took me so long.”

“He’s got a job?”

“Yeah at a convenience store.”

“So we talked about what happened. He told me what you said to him. That was really messed up man. What you said hurt him.”

“Yeah well that’s what he gets for messing up the plan. It’s his fault Rowena died.”

“Dean you know that’s not true. Why do you say things you know you don’t mean? What do you get out of it? I really want to know.”

“Who says I don’t mean it?” Dean looked away. He was losing this argument.

“Dean. You need to apologize to him.”

“I can’t. It’s too late.” Tears started to form in his eyes. He hoped Sam couldn’t see them.

“No it’s not! Cas still wants to be here, he told me.”

Dean looked up at Sam.  _ Was that true? Did Cas really want to come home?_

“ Alright Sam.” Dean paused for a long moment.

“Well you’ve been on the road for awhile. You better get some sleep.”

Sam was exhausted. He wasn’t getting the best of sleep ever since Mary died. Sam went off to his room. Dean went in the kitchen to get something to drink. He was almost out of beer.  _ We really do need groceries _ . Dean took the beer and walked into his room. He grabbed his phone and headphones and listened to music and stared at the wall. Dean didn’t want to go to sleep. He was tired of having those dreams about Cas. But eventually around midnight he couldn’t fight it and drifted off. 

Dean was at a lake. It was peaceful and quiet, no sound but the water. Dean felt like he had been to this lake in his dreams before. He was sitting at the edge of the dock. Tapping the soles of his boots over the water. He heard the air around him shift. The clouds parted and the sun shined down on him. He looked up to see Cas standing beside him.

“Hello Dean.”

_ Man, haven’t heard that in awhile_

“Hey Cas. Where have you been?”

“I flew here from Arizona. I was showing Jack the Grand Canyon.”

_ Wow. Wait. Flew? Cas had his wings again?_

“ Yes I got my wings back.”

“Uh okay. Well good to know.”

Cas sat down beside him. Their shoulders were touching. They sat there not saying anything for a few minutes. This was nice. Dean could stay here forever. He looked out over the lake and sighed.

The clouds moved over the sun again. Dean couldn’t feel Cas’s shoulder anymore. He looked over to see that now Sam was sitting there.

“What are you doing here Sam?”

“I’m here to tell you to stop waiting around Dean. You need to go to Cas now. Before it’s too late. Stop being a little jerk and go get him.” Sam slapped his brother on the shoulder then pointed behind them to where Cas was standing on the shore. Then Sam was gone. _This_ _ is fucking weird _ Dean thought. It started to rain. He stood up and looked at Cas. Cas was looking at Dean with tears in his eyes and rain running down his face. Dean started walking across the wooden pier to get to Cas, but the closer he got the more difficult it became. The pier was falling apart.

“Dean come on”

“Dammit Cas I can’t! I can’t make it!”

“Yes you can.”

Dean tried but he he just couldn’t walk over the sinking pieces of wood. Dean was in the water now, sinking. He looked at Cas one more time before going underwater. He could hear thunder as everything went black.

Dean woke up. He layed there with his eyes closed.  _They just keep getting worse_.  Dean reluctantly got up. He walked to the bathroom and brushed his teeth. He looked at himself in the mirror.  _I look like shit_.  Time to go get breakfast. _I deserve some bacon after that crap. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The lake was the same one from season 4 the episode was called the rapture. I’m sure most of you guessed that though.


	12. Sorry Skipper

Cas was in his room at the motel. He was watching a show called Gilligan’s Island. He really enjoyed that show and its catchy theme song. He wondered if the castaways would ever get off the island. He figured not as they had many opportunities to leave but seemed to not be educated enough to realize it. Cas felt that he was similar to Gilligan. Always being yelled at for messing up. But he always tried to fix things because he cared. Cas was just like that. The skipper reminded him of Dean. Bossy. And the professor reminded him of Sam.

It was the day Cas and Shaun had planned to hang out. They talked about what they wanted to do over the phone the day before. Shaun suggested they go see a movie then go eat and share a drink at the bar. Cas was excited, it was the first time he had a friend that wasn’t Sam or Dean. They never took him to go see a movie, they had movie nights inside the bunker instead. Cas did enjoy watching tombstone with Dean one night in his “dean cave”. He liked seeing Dean get so excited over the cowboys.Dean would make Cas pretend to be Doc Holiday and say his lines while Dean was Wyatt Earp. Good thing Sam wasn’t there he would’ve just laughed at how stupid they sounded. Dean had seen the movie a thousand times, so towards the end he fell asleep beside Cas on the couch with his shoulder pinned over Cas’s so he couldn’t move or else he would wake Dean up. Dean took him to eat a few times, even though Cas didn’t need to eat then. He missed hanging out with Dean. Why did he have to turn on him now? After all the years he was on his side.

Now he had plans to hang out with someone new. Maybe this was a step towards moving on. Cas still didn’t know for sure if it was a step in the right direction, or the wrong. He felt bad for leaving. But he needed to stand up for himself.

The episode Cas was watching went off and he needed something else to do. He was starting to feel bored. It used to be Cas could stand in one spot for hours and never get bored. Not anymore. He grabbed his phone and clicked on the YouTube app that Claire downloaded for him. She told him he could search for funny videos of animals. So he did that. He had some hours to waste before he needed to get ready to go meet Shaun.

Meanwhile, Dean and Sam were in the bunker. Sam was in his room. And Dean was looking online for cases in the war room. He didn’t want to do a case right now. But what else was there to do? He searched to see the headlines in Beaverdale. To see what the town thought of the case they just solved. He read a news article about how strange it was that the FBI even got involved and there were local conspiracy theories floating around. Underneath that article he saw something about a rodeo.  _ Wasn’t that Chris guy talking about going to a rodeo? Maybe I should go _ . Him and Sam went to a few rodeos over the years. They were fun. Watching guys get slung around and trampled by bulls with sharp horns. Good times. Dean decided he would go. And after maybe he could talk to Chris and apologize for being so short with him at the bar. He looked for where the rodeo was being held. It was right near that same bar.  _ Good place to go after it’s over _ . So that settled it. Dean was going to Beaverdale.  _ Wait, didn’t Sam say Cas had a job there?  _ Dean figured the chances of him running into Cas were pretty slim. But if he were to run into him? It wouldn’t be the worst thing to happen. Dean got up to go tell Sam where he was going.

He knocked on his door.

“Hey Sam? In a few hours I’m going to see a rodeo. You wanna come?”

Sam opened the door and looked at Dean with raised eyebrows.

“A rodeo? Why?”

“What do you mean why? just looking to have some fun for once. Are you in?”

“Hmm nah I’m good on this one. You have fun.”

“Are you sure? There’ll be cowgirls.” Dean smiled and wiggled his eyebrows

“I’m sure.” Sam rolled his eyes and shut the door.

Sam really was a buzzkill sometimes. Oh well Dean was gonna have fun without him tonight. He went into his room and grabbed his cowboy boots. It was the perfect occasion to whip those bad boys out. He thought about wearing the spurs too.  _Nah that’s too much_.

He grabbed a white and green plaid shirt and a pair of jeans. He wore just the shirt with no T-shirt underneath and buttoned it up and tucked it into his jeans. He grabbed an old belt that Bobby gave to him and put it on. Then he grabbed his cowboy hat and put it on. He walked out into the hall at the same time as Sam.

Sam choked. He was laughing and coughing.

“De-“ he couldn’t even speak he was giggling so much.

Dean crossed his arms.

“Stop it Sam. I look good and you know it.” He pointed at his brother

“This is how people dress for rodeos Sam.”

“I know I’m just not used to seeing you dress that way is all.” Sam cleared his throat.

“Maybe the hat is too much. I’ll leave it here. It’s an expensive one anyway, I don’t want people to get jealous.”

“Uh huh.” Sam snorted.

“Shut up.”

Dean went to the garage and hopped in baby and drove off. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m working on how to get Dean and Cas in the same room. I’m just about there I’m ready to get started on the actual point of this fic lol which is for Dean and Cas to kiss and make up😂


	13. “You always raise me from Parmesan”

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean gets drunk and sees Cas and Shaun getting a bit too friendly with each other. Chaos ensues.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the chaper I’ve been wanting to get to.

Dean arrived in Beaverdale as the sun was starting to set. His plan was to see the rodeo, then go to the bar and get wasted. He would have to check into a motel to stay at for the night. He got on his phone to look for one on google maps. He saw that there was only two in the town so he chose the closest one to where he was.

Dean pulled up to the motel. It was a decent looking place. Dean had definitely been to worse. He saw a sign that said they served breakfast. That was good enough for Dean. He went in and got a room. He was on the bottom of two floors. He opened the door to his room and put his things on the bed then walked right back out.

The rodeo stadium was packed with people. It was one big blur of plaid and cowboy hats. He made his way to his seat. He watched a guy ride a bull for about four seconds then he was kicked off.

“I can ride better that!” Dean yelled.

The man standing next to him gave him a weird look.

Dean had never rode a real bull before. But he had rode mechanical ones. He liked to think he could ride with the best of them.

Dean watched as more men took their turn seeing how long they could last. Then he saw a guy walk out that looked familiar. It was Chris. He was strapping himself onto the bull getting ready for when the gate opened.  _How cool is he?_

Dean looked at the guy next to him. 

“Hey the guy up next is my buddy.”

The gate flew open and the bull came rushing out. Chris fell off after a few seconds and landed hard in the dirt.

“You’re buddy just ate shit.”

“Yeah that didn’t look too good did it..”

Dean felt bad for him. He only talked to the guy for a few seconds but he could tell he was passionate about bull riding.

Chris was the last contestant. Dean got up and walked out the stadium. Now it was time for him to hit the bar.

He walked to the other side of the street to get to the bar. The bar and his motel were not too far away from each other, about two blocks. Good for Dean in case he had to walk home.

He strolled into the bar and made a beeline for the bartender. He sat down at one of the stools and ordered a drink. Dean turned around in his seat and looked around. What he saw made him wish the floor would open up under his feet and swallow him.

He saw Cas. Across the room leaning against a pool table. He wasn’t wearing his usual trench coat get up. 

_ Is he wearing my clothes__?_ That made Dean feel something in his chest.  _Damn he looks fucking hot_. 

Dean shook his head for thinking that. Lucky for Dean he didn’t think Cas could see him from where he was sitting. He was standing next to some guy. Standing a little too close for Deans liking. Cas grabbed a cue stick. Dean could barely hear them talking but he thought he heard Cas call the man “Shaun” 

_ who the hell is Shaun and why is he all over Cas? _

Dean didn’t like him, that was for sure. Shaun grabbed a cue chalk and handed it to Cas while smiling. Cas put his hand over Shauns and grabbed the chalk. When Cas was ready to take his shot on the table he gave Shaun a nervous look. 

_I never taught Cas how to play pool?_

Shaun put his hand on Cas’s back and looked to be giving him words of encouragement. Cas got in position over the table. Shaun leaned his arms over Cas’s to show him how to hold the cue and what to do with his hands. Dean’s blood was boiling. Shaun rested his chin on Cas’s shoulder to look over him. He showed Cas how to shoot a couple of times moving his arms back and forth. 

_Alright he gets it now get off of him already_.

Cas was smiling the whole time, and.. was he blushing? It was either that or Cas was a little tipsy. His cheeks were bright pink. Cas took his shot. The balls clacked against each other and rolled across the table. Shaun smiled and wrapped his arms over Cas from behind. Dean was going to be sick if he had to watch this any longer. He slammed his hand down on the bar.

“Keep those drinks coming” he yelled over to the bartender.

“See I told you Cas! I knew you could do it.”

Cas smiled at Shaun. Dean hadn’t seen him smile like that in quite awhile. That made him furious. He wanted Cas to smile like that for him. And him only. The fact that some random guy Cas just met was getting that smile instead of him made him want to go over and slam the guy’s face into the table. Cas grabbed his beer and took a drink. Shaun would not take his eyes off Cas. He stared at him with the same look Dean would give every single girl he was interested in before having sex with her.

_ Is that all you’re trying to do, Shauny boy? Get in Cas’s pants? Fuck you_. 

Dean hated this guy. Cas was worth so much more than some drunken one night stand. Did Cas want to get with this guy? Surely not, Cas wasn’t like that. Just then Cas turned around and whispered in Shaun’s ear. Shaun nodded his head and grabbed Cas’s hands and led him to the small dance floor. The song: pour some sugar on me, by Def Leppard was playing. Cas, of course, was very awkward and didn’t know how to dance. 

  
_ What an adorable mess__._

Shaun put his hands on Cas’s hips and showed him how to loosen them up and move with the beat. Then he moved his hands up Cas’s chest and around his neck. He bit his lip and looked up at Cas. Cas looked like he was into it, he pulled Shaun even closer. Dean was fuming. He was drunk enough now that things were starting to look blurry. He couldn’t watch the guy grind on Cas any longer he just couldn’t. He looked away and shut his eyes. When he finally was able to look back. He saw Cas and Shaun back at the pool table. Cas was leaning against the table and Shaun was still glued to him with his arms around him. 

“Give me a fucking break.” Dean called out. They didn’t hear him.

Shaun put his forehead against Cas’s and smiled. He moved around to whisper in Cas’s ear. Cas pulled back and looked Shaun in the eyes. Then they kissed. Dean couldn’t believe his eyes. He rubbed them and blinked a few times to make sure he was seeing correctly. They were going at it, tongue and all. Shaun was trying to devour Cas’s face. Dean had never been more horrified in his life. 

“THAT IS IT” Dean hollered, causing the people sitting next to him to jump.

Dean got up and nearly fell. He was completely hammered. He pushed past the people in his way to get to Cas.

“YOU GET YOUR NASTY LIPS OFF HIM. NOW. YOU HEAR ME?”

“Dean??” Cas broke free of Shaun.

“What? Cas who is this guy?”

“I’m his best friend you-“

Dean tripped and almost fell over.

He walked toward Shaun and got in his face.

“You stay the hell away from em, you got it?”

Dean was failing to look like a threat, he could barely stand. Shaun didn’t seem to be drunk. Dean thought he could still take him if they were to get in a fight. Shaun sized up Dean and looked him straight in the face. Cas got in between them and push Dean away. He grabbed Dean by the shirt and dragged him off to the side by the wall.

“What are you doing Dean what the hell’s wrong with you?”

“I wasss doin you a favor buddy. Got that leech right off your face.” He smacked Cas on the shoulder and grinned at him.

Cas glared at Dean. He was pissed. He looked hot when he was mad. Dean looked down at his lips. Cas shoved Dean back into the wall then walked away. Back to Shaun.

“I’m sorry about him. He’s one of the friends I told you about.”

“Do I need to take care of him?” That made Cas want to laugh. He didn’t want to make Shaun embarrassed so he didn’t laugh out loud.

“No I got him. Don’t worry.”

“Kinda ruined the moment huh?”

“I’m sorry.”

“Hey it’s no big deal.” He looked at Cas. Cas wasn’t looking at him. He was watching Dean stumble around the room. Shaun smiled sadly.

“You’re gonna go help him aren’t you?”

Cas looked back at him and frowned.

“It’s okay Cas. But are you sure he’s worth it?”

“He’s not.”

“Then don’t help him. He can find his way.”

Cas looked down at the floor.

“But that’s not your style is it? You’re a good guy.”

“Unfortunately. I’m just going to take him to the motel. Then after I could come back if you want?”

“That’s alright. We can do this again another night. I’ll talk to you later Cas.” 

Cas kissed Shaun on the cheek.

“Thank you for putting up with this. I had a good time tonight.”

“Me too. I’ll see ya.”

Cas walked away from Shaun against his better judgement. He could kill Dean he was so mad. He ruined his whole night. After this, he was going to let Dean know he never wanted to see his face again.

“Come on.” Cas yanked Dean by the arm and led him out of the bar.

Dean got tripped up and pushed into Cas’s side

“Jesus Cas!”

“Shut your mouth and walk.”

Cas put Dean’s arm over his shoulders and helped him walk.

Dean started laughing for no reason.

“This is kinda like when ya pulled me outta hell huh?”

“It’s nothing like that.”

“You always raise me from per.. purga- pardison? What did you call it? Parmesan?”

“Perdition.”

“that’s it! ding ding ding!”

Cas walked with Dean to the motel he had been staying at. He walked up to the front desk.

“Can I get this imbecilic man a room please?”

“I believe he is already staying here sir. In room 11.”

“Thank you so much.”

“Yesss thank you ma’am you are ssooo kindly to us.” Dean smiled and laughed. “We need a room stat! One king please.” He winked at the lady.

“Please take him away.” The lady said.

“Of course my apologies.”

Cas walked Dean to his room. He opened the door and awkwardly pushed them both through. Just as Cas was closing the door Dean fell into him. He pushed him back against the door and caused it to slam shut.

Dean got close to Cas and murmured in his ear.

“Cas I didn’t like that guy kissing you.”

Cas pushed Dean back. He grabbed his shoulders and threw him on the bed.

“Shut up and go to sleep.”

Cas reached into dean’s pocket and grabbed his keys.

“Cas I don’t.. Cas please just-“ Dean grabbed his wrist. He couldn’t form the words he wanted to say.

“I miss you.” Dean’s voice cracked.

Cas paused.

“Good.”

With that Cas walked out the door. He walked all the way back to the bar and after asking around he finally found the impala. He got in and drove back to the motel. He got out and slammed the door for good measure. He gave it a kick and put a dent in the door. Dean deserved that one. If he knew he wouldn’t get in trouble by the lady at the front desk, and if there wasn’t a woman standing outside her room smoking watching him, He’d key the car, maybe carve his full name in enochian across the side. Maybe break a headlight or two. He walked over to Dean’s room and slid his keys under his door then went to his own room. His room was on the other side of the motel and on the second floor. Cas slammed his door shut. 

  
_ What gives Dean the nerve to be in my presence? I’ll smite him if I see him again_. 

He remembered he most likely didn’t have enough power to do that.

The words “I miss you” echoed in Cas’s head. _ Probably just the alcohol talking_.  He could still feel where Dean’s mouth ghosted over his ear. He rubbed his ear and walked over to the mirror.  _ I have to get rid of these ugly clothes _ . He didn’t want anything to do with Dean. He couldn’t walk around in his clothes anymore. He sent Shaun a text. 

C: [Hey would you want to go shopping with me tomorrow? I need some new clothes.]

S: [Yes of course I’ll go shopping with you! Did everything go okay with your friend?]

C: [yeah everything’s fine I’ll see you tomorrow:)]

Cas fell down on his bed and shut his eyes. He wished Dean wasn’t staying in the same motel as him. Hopefully he would be leaving tomorrow. It was supposed to be a fun night for Cas. And it was. He learned how to play pool and dance. And he kissed Shaun. That was the the highlight of his night. Kissing him felt good. He wanted to do it again. Shaun did everything Dean would never do. He thought what if Dean did do those things with him, like hold his hand and kiss him. Cas would’ve never left if Dean had given him any sign that he wanted to do those things. But he didn’t. Dean would never want to kiss him. So what did Cas have to lose by being with Shaun? Nothing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would have Cas take the impala to a car impound to get back at Dean. But it’s not the cars fault😂 Baby doesn’t deserve that.


	14. Peace Offering

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean tries to patch things up between him and Cas little by little.

Dean woke up with one leg hanging over the side of the bed. Still in the outfit from the night before. He raised his head up and blinked. The light from the window was giving him a headache. He tried to remembered what happened last night. Everything was fuzzy. He recalled going to the bar and seeing Cas, confronting the guy Cas was with, Cas pushing him into the wall then dragging him to the motel. He couldn’t remember much of what he said. One thing he remembered vividly was the fierce looks Cas was giving him. He was not happy with him. Dean felt horrible.  _ Should I find him and apologize to him?  _ He knew Cas wouldn’t want to hear it. But it was worth a shot. He got up and walked into the bathroom. He brushed his teeth and fixed his messy hair. His shirt was wrinkled and half untucked and his eyes were bloodshot.

_ Son of a bitch. I look like a train wreck._

Dean cleaned himself up and washed his face. He had do look as decent as he could for Cas.

Dean walked back to his bed to put his things back in his bag. He looked out the window into the parking lot. He saw his car. Did Cas drive it here for him so he wouldn’t have to walk back?  _ He should’ve just let me struggle, I don’t deserve him _ _._ Dean looked to the other side of the lot.

_ Is that Cas’s truck? That means he’s here. And he’s been staying here the whole time?_

Dean left his room. He took his bag and put it in the car. Then he walked back inside to the front desk. He had to hand back his key. He would have to go home today, he didn’t have enough money to pay for another night.

“Oh no not you.” The lady groaned

Dean did a double take at that comment. Decided to ignore it. He handed her his key.

“Hey uh do you know of a guy staying here, um he’s got black hair, has a deep voice?”

“You mean the guy that carried you home last night?”

“Yes.” He sighed “that guy. do you know what room he’s staying in? I want to thank him for helping me.”

“He’s on the second floor room 30.”

“Thank you so much. Sorry you had to deal with me last night.”

She laughed “I hope you two work it out.” She winked

“Yeah me too.” Dean walked away

_ Okay room 30. _

Dean felt nervous when he reached Cas’s door.  _ What if that guy’s in there with him?  _ The thought made Dean panic. He did not want to see Cas’s morning after look if someone else caused it. He knocked cautiously. Cas opened the door. He was still in Dean’s clothes that he wore the night before. His hair was ruffled. He had a shocked expression on his face.

“Dean what are you doing?”

“I came to talk.”

“I told you there is nothing left to say.”

“I know but I want to apologize about last night.”

“I don’t want to hear it.”

“I’m-“ Dean looked around. “Can you let me in? it’s freezing out here.”

Cas just looked at him.

“I’m not leaving until we talk.”

Cas rolled his eyes and let Dean in.

“Make it quick.”

Dean walked in.

“So why’d you ditch the coat?”

Cas sighed. “This fits better for a human in a small town, working at a store don’t you think?” He rolled his eyes. “And those clothes are dirty.”

Dean knew Cas’s powers were fading. But that was a whole other can of worms he didn’t want to open right now.

“I can bring you more of my clothes if you want. They look better on you anyway.”

Dean took the opportunity to check him out.

“No that won’t be necessary. I’m going shopping with Shaun later today after our shift.”

“Right, Shaun.” He said his name in a demeaning tone.

“What kind of name is that anyway?”

“I believe it is of Irish origin.” Typical Cas answer.

“Well it sounds dumb.”

“And Dean is so much better?”

“Yes he is.” Dean grinned.

Cas looked Dean in the eyes.

“That remains to be seen.”

_ Oh shit, when did Cas get so good at comebacks? _

Dean’s eyes flickered across Cas’s face then down to his mouth. It would be so easy to just reach over and kiss him. Then he could show him just how much better than Shaun he was. He licked his lips.

“Aren’t you here to apologize? I don’t have all day.”

Dean snapped out his trance.

“Yeah.” Dean cleared his throat. This wasn’t going to be easy.

“So I was drunk.”

“Really?”

“Okay I- I was acting like an idiot. I’m sorry.”

It was difficult for Dean to say those words. Saying words like sorry made Dean feel vulnerable, he hated feeling that way. He’d rather say hurtful words and not mean them than say what he really felt. Because that would make him vulnerable, trusting. He couldn’t afford to be that way with the life he lived.

Cas analyzed Dean.

“You can’t give me any better than that? You’re wasting my time”

That made Dean a little angry. But if he wanted to fix things with Cas he couldn’t lose his head. He bit his tongue.

“I know I ruined your little.. date, with that guy. Sorry.”

“You’re not sorry.”

“Well that’s what you wanted to hear right? That I regret interrupting your little make out session? You know what he was trying to do right? He sure as hell wasn’t planning on sleeping alone last night. I was doing you a favor.”

“I don’t need your favors. And I’m aware of Shaun’s intentions. You’re wrong about him. He’s a kindhearted man. You could learn something from him.”

Dean was letting his words get away from him. He was acting defensive. He needed to cool down.

“Okay I didn’t mean to come off so harsh. Cas what do you want from me? What do I need to say?”

“You think I’m going to hold your hand and walk you through this? You need to leave.”

Cas walked over to his coat and grabbed something from the pocket.

“And here take this with you.”

It was the mixtape.

“I already told you once that’s a gift I won’t take it back.”

Cas shoved the tape against Dean’s chest. Dean pushed it back. They grabbed each other’s arms and struggled.

“Take it!”

“No!”

Dean did a maneuver and forced Cas’s arm that was holding the tape behind his back. Cas elbowed Dean in his side with his other arm.

“Are you really going to wrestle me right now dude? I don’t want the tape!” Dean yelled

“I don’t want it either!”

“Stop lying you love that music!”

“No YOU love that music, all I hear is static and noise. It’s insufferable.”

Dean was behind Cas with his head looking over his shoulder. He spoke in a low tone and got right up in his ear.

“If it’s so insufferable then why do you sing the lyrics when you’re walking around the bunker at night? Yeah. you thought I was asleep? Nope.”

“Take the tape and leave already.” Cas broke free of Dean and turned to face him. His eyes were heavy with emotion.

“Fine but it’s your loss. Don’t come crying to me when you miss your favorite music.” Dean clicked his tongue and shook his head playfully.

He swiped the tape from Cas and glared at him then walked out and closed the door.

_ You know what? No._

He slid the tape under the door and ran off. He wasn’t taking that tape back ever. It belonged to Cas.

“DEAN.” He heard Cas yell through the wall.

Dean laughed.  _ Why was that fun?  _ They were supposed to be fighting. But it turned into a game. Dean felt like this was progress. He still didn’t apologize completely. But it was a start.

Cas was furious. But he also felt.. energized? Fighting with Dean gave him an adrenaline rush. That was something he didn’t feel as much when he was at full power. Cas knew he gave Dean too much leeway just then. _N__ow he probably thinks he has a chance.  _ He shouldn’t have let up. But he gave in to the playful game Dean started.

“I think maybe I have a chance.” Dean told the woman at the front desk as he walked by.

“Good luck.”

Dean smiled and kept walking back to his room. He wanted to do something for Cas, to help patch things up. But what? It was about time to eat lunch.  _Maybe I could buy Cas lunch? If his powers are low he probably needs to eat_.  That made Dean worry. Hopefully he was eating enough. Dean went out and drove to the nearest food joint he could find.

Cas was just about to start getting ready for work when he heard a knock on the door. It was Dean again. Holding a Biggerson’s bag and a cup holder. He was smiling.

“I got us lunch. Two cheeseburgers and two sweet teas.” He bounced his eyebrows up and down. “Can I come in?”

Cas was hungry. He didn’t have a lot of money, it was costing almost everything he had to stay at the motel. He wasn’t going to pass up a free meal even if he wanted to. He let Dean in.

“Alright yours is the one with no onions cause I know you aren’t a fan of those.”

“They taste strange.”

Dean took off his boots and sat crisscrossed on the bed. The nerve he had walking in and making himself at home.

“Really Dean?”

“I know you don’t want me here but come on let’s just talk. Doesn’t have to be anything serious. I just don’t want to eat alone that’s all.”

Cas gave Dean the meanest look and then sat down in a chair in the corner of the room across from Dean. Dean was disappointed he didn’t sit beside him on the bed.

“I won’t bite you.”

Cas was confused.

“I never said you would.. bite me.”

Dean took a big drink from his cup.

“It’s just an expression.” Dean cleared his throat. “So when do you have to go to work?”

“In about an hour.”

“Cool we can watch tv until then.” Dean turned on the tv.

“What makes you think you can come in here and pretend like nothing happened between us?”

“I get it, Cas. I know you’re not going to forgive me. But I thought I could try to make up for it. Food always helps.”

Cas didn’t feel like arguing.

The tv was playing deans favorite show- Dr. Sexy M.D.

“Yeah that’s what I’m talking about! Cas come watch this.” Cas couldn’t see the tv from his chair. He got up and pushed his chair to get a better angle.

“Look that’s doctor sexy right there!”

“I can see that.”

“Aw man I love this episode.”

Cas blinked twice and looked from the tv back to Dean then back again. Why Dean was so obsessed with a doctor in cowboy boots? Cas didn’t know. 

After Cas finished his lunch he stood up.

“I’m going to get ready for work.”

“Okay I’ll be here.”

“You’re not staying in my room Dean.”

“Please Cas I don’t want to go home yet and I can’t afford another night in my room.”

“Why don’t you want to go home?”

“Because I haven’t fixed the..thing with us yet.”

“There’s nothing to be fixed. You made it clear we don’t have a ‘thing’ you don’t care about me, you only care about me when you need me for my powers.”

“If that’s all I cared about then why am I here right now? Cas you’re wrong. I do care about you. More than I want to.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Nothing forget it. Look I am sorry and I want to make things right. But I can’t do that if we’re miles apart.”

“I know what I said to you was messed up. I didn’t mean it. I was just mad about everything and I lashed out.”

“You blame me for Mary’s death still.”

“I-“ Dean felt angry everytime someone mentioned his mom. But he didn’t blame Cas for her death. He blamed Cas for lying to him again. He was hurt Cas still didn’t trust him after all this time.

“No that’s not it. I know it’s not you’re fault she’s dead. I don’t blame you for that. I blame you for not trusting me enough to tell me what was going on with Jack. Why did you think you had to fix it on your own? Cas we could’ve helped Jack if you would’ve trusted us.”

“No. It’s not that I don’t trust you. It wasn’t about that at all. I wanted to fix it on my own so you didn’t have to. I was trying to help you and Sam without bringing you into it. Jack was my responsibility. But Dean, you knew something was wrong with Jack too. So did Sam. and what were you going to do even if I did tell you?”

“Me and Sam don’t need your protection. And you’re right, I knew something was wrong with the kid. And I’ll hate myself everyday for the rest of my life for not doing anything and letting myself pretend everything was okay.”

“Dean.” Cas didn’t know what to say after that.

“Everything really went straight to hell didn’t it? Everytime we get close to being happy. It gets ripped away from us. I guess that was chucks plan. To build us up just to knock us down. All for entertainment.” Dean clenched his jaw.

Cas spoke softly “Is that what you’re afraid of now? That if you’re not miserable, if you let yourself be happy you’ll get knocked down again?”

“Yeah I guess.”

“I understand. Believe me.”  


Cas was still hiding his secret. That if Cas let himself be happy, the empty would come for him. He didn’t see that happening anytime soon. Cas knew there was only one thing that could make him happy enough for the empty to take him. And that was never going to happen.

Dean and Cas stared at each other for a long moment.

“Shouldn’t you be getting ready for work?” Dean laughed weakly

“Yes.”

“I’m going to take a shower.” Cas went into the bathroom and closed the door.

Dean layed back on the bed and thought about the conversation they just had. He started to drift off and was just about asleep when Cas opened the bathroom door. His hair was wet and he had tiny drops of water in his eye lashes. Dean couldn’t help but stare. Cas grabbed a vest from the closet and put it on. It was forest green and said berens on it. There were two pins attached to the vest, one was a bee and the other was a rainbow.  _How much cuter can he get?_ Dean wondered. Just then Cas looked at himself in the mirror. He stood up straight and smiled a few times like he was practicing. He straightened up his vest and fixed his hair.  _His cuteness knows no bounds_ Dean concluded.

“Looking sharp Cas.”

“Sharp? Is that a good thing?”

“Yes. It means you look really good. But hold on can we try something with your hair?”

“What’s wrong with my hair?”

“Nothing just let me try something.”

Dean got up and turned Cas to face him. He put his hands in his hair and styled it to look more messy.

“There.” He turned Cas back around to the mirror.

“You just made it look messy.”

“Exactly. Messy hair is sexy. Trust me girls love it.”

“Only girls love it?”

“Well. And guys too I guess. I don’t know.”

“Well you’re a guy. Do you love it?”  _ Uh oh backed myself into a corner.  _ Dean thinks.

“Uhhh yeah.. yeah I love it.” He cleared his throat. He wasn’t lying.

“So there ya go.” Dean layed back down on the bed. His cheeks were burning red.

“Alright well I guess I’m ready then. I won’t be back till late tonight. Are you going to stay here or not?”

“I can leave if you want me to.”

“Do you want to leave?”

“No, do you want me to leave?”

Cas thought for a second. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad for Dean to stay so they could work things out. If Dean really wanted to fix things then he would give him this one chance. Cas might forgive him, but he wouldn’t forget. He was hurt too much this time. There was no going back. But maybe they could co exist going forward. Cas hated how easy he was falling for this. His plan was to move on and never think of Dean again. His plan was not working.

“No I don’t.”

Cas left the room. Off to his job.

Dean felt like that was a win, Cas didn’t kick him out.

_ I should call Sam, let him know what I’m doing.  _ He knew his brother would have questions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I heard about how Jensen said in 15x09 Dean prays to Cas.. I’m simultaneously excited and terrified for that episode:|


	15. Broaden Your Horizons

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When I picture what Shaun looks like I think of the actor martin sensmeier, google him if you want to know or don’t if you already have an image of Shaun that you like

Cas walked into his store with a smile. He liked working there. He was proud of what he did. Shaun was already there, broom in hand. His eyes lit up when he saw Cas. He smiled.

“Well aren’t you a sight for sore eyes.” Shaun said.

“Hello Shaun how’s your day going?” Cas smiled.

“Fantastic. A fella just walked in here with a huge chunk of dirt on his boots.” Cas looked at the trail of dirt on the floor.

“That’s unfortunate for you.”

Shaun stopped sweeping and looked at Cas.

“HaHa. And it’s unfortunate for you that there’s trash over there that needs to be taken out.” Shaun grinned.

Cas sighed pretending to be defeated.

“That is unfortunate.”

They both smiled at each other. Their was a new energy between them after last night. They shared a kiss and now things were different, but definitely not bad. Cas was glad there wasn’t any awkwardness between them. Cas grabbed the trash and took it outside to the garbage can.

They went on working and stealing glances at each other and finding ways to touch throughout the day. Shaun would randomly walk by and poke Cas on the shoulder then hide and trick him into looking around. He played fun little pranks like that on him all day long. Cas had never experienced this type of flirting before, he liked it. Shaun acted somewhat immature, but Cas could tell on the inside, his soul was wise. 

Shaun strolled over to Cas and squinted at him and tapped his finger on his chin.

“Did you do something different with your hair?”

“Yes I was told that messy hair is sexy and the girls and guys love it.”

Shaun laughed.

“Well whoever told you that was one hundred percent correct. looks good.”

“Thank you.”  _Dean’s advice is useful sometimes._ Cas thought.

It was late in the night when they closed.

“So about this shopping thing.. Walmart’s going to be our only option. The mall’s closed. Hope you’re down with Hanes T-shirts and wrangler jeans.” Shaun laughed. 

“I don’t care about brands I’m just tired of wearing this same outfit.”

Cas got in Shaun’s car and they drove to Walmart. Shaun drove a dark blue Ford Mustang. Cas noticed it didn’t have no where near as much space as the impala or his truck. It was hard for Cas to fit into the Car.

Shaun turned on music that Cas had never heard before.

“What type of music is this?” Cas curiously asked.

“It’s..pop. You know, new music?”

“I’ve only ever listened to old rock music.”

“Really? Wow. Well time to broaden your horizons then.” Shaun pulled out his phone and plugged the aux cord in. He turned up the volume. His car bumped with every beat of the music. It felt weird to Cas. 

“I got a good sound system. That’s what you’re feeling right now, the bass.

“The bass?”

“You really don’t know much about music do you?”

“No.”

“Well don’t worry I’ll teach you, so you like classic rock huh?”

“Yes it’s my favorite. that’s all I’ve ever heard until now.”

“How do you know it’s your favorite if you’ve never listened to anything else?”

Cas thought about that. He didn’t know.

“I guess I don’t know.”

“Well then we’ll figure out what your real favorite genre is.” Shaun smiled at him.

How many different types of music were there? Was there a genre that Cas might love that he hasn’t heard yet? All these possibilities formed in Cas’s head. He felt excited.

They arrived at Walmart. They walked in and grabbed a cart. Cas had only been in a place like this a few times before with Sam and Dean to get groceries. 

“Alright so how much money are you willing to spend Cas man?” Cas man was a nickname Shaun had given him. 

“Um I have about 55 dollars to spend.”

“Okay well how about instead I buy you some clothes and you can pay me back.” Shaun had no intention of being paid back. He had more money than Cas. His job at the store was just a second job. 

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah now come on let’s look.”

Cas looked at the shirts and jackets. He needed a jacket. It was cold in the mornings.

He found a blue hoodie that he liked.

“Cool put it in. Whatever you like just throw it in. I’ll tell you when to stop.”

Cas looked some more. He needed shirts, pants, underwear, and socks. He saw a row with shirts in every different color. He picked out a red short sleeved shirt and then a navy blue long sleeve shirt. Then he saw an AC/DC shirt. He thought that Dean would like that. 

“Your bad boy rocker self would look hot in that.” Shaun joked.

Cas put it in the cart. Next was pants. He picked out a black and regular blue pair of jeans. Cas was ready to get out of Dean’s pair of pants. They were tight on him.

Now all he needed were underwear and socks. He was really glad to be getting those after wearing the same ones for four days. Of course he had washed them but he still was tired of them. 

Cas felt a little uncomfortable around the men’s underwear with Shaun standing beside him.

“Umm what kind should I get?”

“What kind do you like to wear?”

Cas didn’t know. He knew this was something a regular human would know so he just picked ones that looked similar to the loose white boxers he was wearing. 

“I’m more of a briefs kinda guy myself.” Shaun commented.

Cas tried to push away the image that came to his mind. Next Cas grabbed socks and that was all he needed.

“You done then?”

“Yes I think so. Thank you for doing this.” Cas smiled and ran his hand down Shaun’s arm.

“Besides paying you back. Is there anything else I can do to return the favor?”

Shaun’s eyes widened slightly. 

“I can think of a few things.” Shaun smiled and stepped closer to Cas.

“For instance you could cover my shift for the rest of the month.” Shaun winked.

Cas could do that. He nodded.

“I was kidding Cas!”

“Oh.”

They paid and left. Shaun drove Cas back to his motel. They both sat in the car for a minute before Cas got out.

“Thank you again Shaun.” Cas wanted to show him how much he appreciated him. He leaned over and kissed him. It was soft and casual at first then it got deeper and more intense. Cas eventually pulled away. He didn’t want him to leave. He would’ve offered for him to come inside his room if Dean wasn’t there. 

“Goodnight.”

Now Cas had to deal with Dean.  _Hopefully he’s asleep._


	16. We Are Real

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Time for the overused “there’s only one bed oh no we have to share” trope:) I had to.

Dean was lying on the bed in Cas’s motel room when he heard loud music coming from outside.

“Pssh kids and their music, no decency.”

Dean got up to look out the window. He saw Cas getting out of the car the music was coming from.

“Cas?”

He saw Shaun in the driver’s seat backing up to leave.

_ Of course he drives that. What a douche ._

When Cas came into the room Dean gave him a funny look.

“Are your eardrums okay Cas? Can you hear me?”

Cas just glared at him.

“If you plan on staying here then I need you to stop being annoying.”

“I’m not annoying.” Dean crossed his arms faking to be mad. He realized Cas wasn’t in the mood.

“You’re right. I am annoying. I’m sorry, so how was your day?”

“It was fine. I got new clothes.”

“That’s great! You gotta do a fashion show then.” Dean said matter-of-factly.

“A what?”

“When you buy new clothes, you have to try them on and show them off like you’re in a fashion show. Everybody does it.” Dean knew that not everyone does that, but he wanted to see if Cas would model for him.

“I have watched a few fashion shows before on tv at night while you were asleep.” Cas said nodding his head.

“Yeah so just pretend like you’re one of the models. Now go change.” Dean pushed Cas into the bathroom.

Cas grabbed the blue hoodie and the black jeans and put them on. He walked out into the room and awkwardly turned around a few times like he saw on tv.

Dean whistled.  _ Damn this was a great idea._

“Nice Cas. Blue really is your color.”

Dean looked him up and down. The jeans fit him perfectly. The hoodie made him look soft and cuddly and brought out the blue in his eyes. It wasn’t until Cas walked back into the bathroom that Dean realized he wasn’t breathing.

Next Cas grabbed the red tshirt and blue jeans.He also grabbed the socks he bought and put them on. They were black with bees on them and said “buzz”. Cas thought they were really cute.

He walked back out into the room.

“Very nice.” Dean gave him a small clap of his hands. “I give it a ten outta ten.”

“Ten what?”

“That’s your score. On a scale of one to ten of how good you look you’re a ten.”

“Oh.” Cas bent his head down.

Dean looked down and saw his bee socks. He smiled.

_ Why does he have to be so adorable?_

Cas changed into the AC/DC shirt this time. He walked out and let Dean look at him. It was hard watching Dean examine him. His face and neck were turning red and he felt hot.

Dean’s jaw would’ve dropped to floor if he didn’t stop it with his hand.

“Holy- That’s um.. huh.”

“Does it look bad?”

“NO! The opposite. It looks ho-“ dean caught himself. “Awesome. It looks awesome.”

Cas changed back into Deans clothes to sleep in.

“I will give these clothes back to you in the morning.”

“Nah man just keep em. Like I said, they look better on you.”

“Uh so Cas, where do you want me sleep?”

“How about the floor.”

Dean looked down at the dirty floor. There were stains. He didn’t want to think about what caused some of those stains. But if it made Cas comfortable, he’d sleep on the floor.

“Okay. Floor it is.” Dean rolled off the bed.

“The beds all yours, I kept it warm for ya.”

Dean grabbed his bag to use as a pillow and laid on the floor. He tossed and turned until he got comfortable and closed his eyes.

Cas looked down at Dean. He saw a spider with long legs crawling towards Dean’s arm. It was a Pholcus phalangioides, or as Caslearned the humans call them “daddy-long-leg”. He knew it wasn’t harmful and wouldn’t hurt Dean.

“There’s a Daddy-long-leg on you.”

“Daddy what?”

“Spider!”

Dean looked at his arm and screamed. He shook his arm in all different directions until the spider fell off. Cas was trying not to laugh. Dean jumped up onto the bed and bumped into him.

“I hate those things!”

“That particular species will not harm you. You have nothing to be worried about.”

“He was after me, he wanted to suck my blood.”

“Spiders don’t suck blood Dean.”

“What are you the expert on spiders or something?”

Cas chuckled.

Dean tilted his head at Cas.

“Are you laughing at me?” He smiled.

“I’m laughing at your absurd fear of spiders.”

“Absurd? Have you ever seen one of those little guys up close? All those beady eyes staring at you. Terrifying.”

“You’ve seen every monster that exists including vampires, werewolves, and zombies. But you’re afraid of spiders?”

“Yes.” Dean shook his head.

“I’m staying up here for the rest of the night scoot over.”

“What? No I didn’t agree to that.”

“Cas you can’t leave me down there with that thing! You can sleep down there if you want.”

“This is my bed. I’m not sleeping on the floor.”

“Well neither am I so scoot.”

Dean got under the covers and forced Cas to make space on the twin size bed. He laid on his stomach with his head facing Cas.

Cas laid on his back. Dean pulled the cover more to his side.

“Dean stop hogging the cover!”

Cas pulled it back over to his side.

“Alright sorry geez.”

The room was so silent they could hear the clock ticking on the wall.

Dean wasn’t going to be able to go to sleep so easy with Cas right next to him. He could feel the heat from his body. He was only inches away. He closed his eyes and tried anyway.

Cas looked straight ahead, too nervous to look over and see how close Dean was to him. He was sitting up with his back against the headboard.

“Cas?”

“Yeah Dean?” Cas slowly looked down at him.

“You don’t have to be so stiff. I’m not going to bite you remember?”

“Yes you said that earlier today. I’m sure that’s what the spider was trying to tell you too.” Cas smiled down at Dean.

Dean laughed. “Shut up. Stop being weird and get comfortable.”

Dean was trying to put on an act that he wasn’t just as nervous as Cas looked.

Cas raised his brow. “Fine.”

Cas layed down completely. He turned on his side and faced Dean. Their faces were so close he could feel Dean’s breath.

“Better?” Cas said in the most gentle and quiet tone.

Dean swallowed.

“Yeah.” He breathed out. He was so close. This would be the perfect opportunity for Dean to make his move. He turned around instead. He clenched his jaw and mentally cursed himself for being too scared.

Cas sighed. For a moment he thought Dean might do something. For awhile Cas let himself believe that maybe Dean felt the same way but he was just to scared to admit it, like Cas was. But now Cas didn’t know anymore.

_ I made him uncomfortable._

Cas turned onto his back and stared at the ceiling.

“Night Cas.”

Cas closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

“Goodnight Dean.”

They both fell asleep shorty after.

Later in the night Cas woke up. He still didn’t need to sleep as much as human yet. He looked over at Dean still sleeping. He was facing him again. He didn’t look peaceful, his eyebrows were pushed together and he would fidget every few seconds.  _ He’s dreaming.  _ It used to be, if Cas wanted, he could enter Dean’s dream. He’d done it before. He watched as he stirred in his sleep. Suddenly Dean murmured.

“Mom.” It was quiet and sounded sad.

Cas wanted to cry. He reached over and put his hand over Dean’s back. He wished he had his powers so he could make Dean dream of something nice instead of a nightmare.

“Dean.” Cas said softly.

Dean jumped slightly and tensed, but he didn’t wake up. Cas slowly rubbed Dean’s back and spoke louder.

“Dean wake up.”

Dean murmured something and moved closer to him. Cas laid with his arm all the way over Dean. Dean was curled up against him. Cas didn’t know what to do. He slowly lifted his arm and turned to lay on his back. Dean grunted in response and grabbed a fistful of Cas’s shirt and held on. His head rested on his shoulder. Dean calmed down again after a few minutes. Cas watched him and felt his heart beat against his arm. He looked peaceful now. Cas stared at the ceiling and waited for Dean to wake up.

When Dean woke up he felt more comfortable than he had in years. He hummed contently and dug his face into his pillow. He felt it move back.  _ Pillows don’t move.  _ He opened his eyes and saw Cas’s black shirt. He froze. He slowly looked up and saw Cas looking down at him. He jumped back and cleared his throat.

“Uh sorry I don’t- I don’t know how that happened I uh, thought you were a pillow.”

“Yes that is what I assumed. I didn’t want to wake you. But I should’ve, um..”

“It’s cool. it’s no big deal.” He swallowed “It’s fine.”

Dean got up and went into the bathroom. He looked in the mirror and slapped his forehead.

_ I’m such an idiot. Now I made him uncomfortable. Great._

Dean got up the courage to open the door. He looked around the room and saw that Cas was already gone.  _ Maybe he went to get breakfast.  _ Dean grabbed his phone to see if Sam texted him. There was a message from an hour ago.

S: [Aren’t you going to need more clothes if you’re gonna stay up there? I can bring some for you if you want.]

Dean decided just to call Sam.

“Dean?”

“Yeah Sam don’t worry about bringing clothes up here I’m just gonna come home.”

“But did you and Cas fix things yet?”

“Kind of not really. He’s still mad but he’s putting up with me at least.”

“Kind of not really? Dean what are you doing just apologize already!”

“It’s not that easy okay? He doesn’t want to hear my apology. Besides it doesn’t matter I’m ready to come home anyway.”

“Why? Are you fighting?”

“No but he doesn’t want anything to do with me Sam. He’s got a whole new life already, a job, a new uh friend, guy, person, I don’t know his name is Shaun.”

“Yeah Cas told me about him. Sounds like their already pretty close huh?”

“You could say that yeah. Wait he told you?” 

“Is there something wrong Dean?” Sam dodged the question.

“No it’s alright.”

“You’re not uh I don’t know.. maybe jealous of Shaun.. are you?”

“What? No! Of course I’m not jealous of- why would I be jealous that’s stupid Sam.”

“It’s not stupid... Well do whatever you wanna do Dean.”

“Yeah turns out that’s not so easy either.” Dean laughed.

“I’ll see you later.” Dean hung up.

Dean didn’t want to stay just to upset Cas anymore. He needed to ask Cas if there was any chance of him fixing things. Because if there wasn’t, then there was no reason for Dean to stay and bother him.

He called Cas.

“What is it Dean?”

“Where are you? I think we should talk.”

“I’m getting breakfast I’ll be back up there in a minute.. is something wrong Dean?”

“No I just need to talk to you that’s all. I’ll see you in a minute.” He hung up and tossed his phone in his bag.

When Cas got back he cautiously walked into the room.

“What did you want to talk about?”

“Alright so sit down.” Cas sat down beside Dean on the bed.

“I need to know if I have a chance with you.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean is it too late? For us.”

Cas stared at him, unsure.

“Because if I still have a chance then I’ll fight. I will. I’ll fight..for you, but if there’s not.. then I need to know so I can quit wasting your time. So you can move on. You and Shaun can live happily ever after and I’ll leave you alone. Is that what you want?”

“Maybe it is I don’t know.” Cas glared at him. “Dean what you said to me that day. It’ll take some time to get over that. I don’t know if I can.”

“I know.”

“You had so many chances Dean, why did you waste them?”

“I know I should’ve told you, but I was- look. The way I feel.. about you Cas.. it terrifies me. I don’t want to lose you. Everyone I’ve ever loved has left me besides Sam. I can’t lose you. And I’m scared if I get into.. whatever it is we have. If I let myself have it. I’ll lose it. And I can’t do it again. When you died, I was a mess, anytime you’re gone I can’t stand.. how- how much I miss you. You know I’m not good with feelings.. I can’t..handle, how I feel about of you.”

“How do you feel about me?”

Dean paused.

“Your apart of our team, our family and-“

“No. You know that’s not what I mean.” 

Just then there was a knock at the door. Dean and Cas stared at each other for a moment then finally Cas opened the door. It was Shaun. Dean stood up where Shaun could see him.

“Hey Cas you got a minute?” He looked in and saw Dean. “It’s important, work stuff.”

“Oh in that case you better go Cas. Important work stuff you don’t want to miss that.” Dean said sarcastically. He wasn’t ready to finish the conversation they were having. He was actually a little relieved Shaun interrupted.

“Yes of course I have a minute.”

Cas turned around and stepped into Dean’s space. “We’re going to finish this conversation later.” Cas started to leave when Dean turned him around and stopped him.

“Cas wait.”

Dean wrapped his arms around Cas’s neck and pulled him into a hug. Cas was shocked. He hugged Dean back tightly and closed his eyes. Dean whispered in his ear.

“You were right, we are real.”

Shaun looked at them. He saw how Cas’s hands lingered on Dean’s side for a little too long. How Dean held on to Cas like he needed him to live. He knew something was going on with them. Shaun wondered just how serious their relationship was and if Cas was just dragging him along this whole time. He turned away and walked over to a bench across the parking lot.

“I have to go he’s waiting for me.”

Cas turned around and walked out the door. Dean’s heart was beating so fast he felt like his chest was going to explode. 

_Dammit we were so close, fucking Shaun just had to interrupt._

Cas shut the door and left Dean alone in the motel room. Dean kicked the side of the bed.

“It’s importaaant Caaas, work stuff.” Dean mocked Shaun.

“Yeah right.”


	17. Someday Soon

Dean watched out the window. He could see Shaun sitting on a bench and Cas walking over to him. Shaun was wearing light blue jeans with holes in them, converses, and a grey T-shirt with a strange design on it that Dean didn’t recognize. Shaun stood up and hugged Cas. When he pulled back he gave him a quick kiss then sat back down. Dean felt that familiar jealous rage he felt the first time seeing them together. Cas sat down and started talking. Dean really wished he knew how to read lips.

  
Cas felt nervous when Shaun said he needed to ask him a question. That was never a good sign in Cas’s experience. It meant he did something wrong and now he was going to receive some ridicule. It’s what Dean always did whenever Cas messed up. He tried to think of what he did that might’ve been a mistake.

“Did I mess up something at work? I can assure you I didn’t intend to. Am I going to be fired?”

“No! No it actually has nothing to do with work, I lied. It’s not bad I promise.”

Cas loosened his shoulders and sighed.

“That’s appeasing to hear.”

“Yeah sorry for that. What I really wanted to ask you..” Shaun paused and looked directly at Cas. “Would you maybe want to move in with me?”

“Move in with you?”

“Yeah since you’re having to stay in this motel, and I know it’s not cheap. So you can just stay with me instead. It doesn’t have to be a big deal, like we’re.. moving,  moving in together or anything you know?”

“I’m sorry I’m not sure I do know. You say we would move in together, but.. we’re not moving in..together? I don’t understand.”

“Okay...What I mean is, we can move in together, but it doesn’t have to be a big deal, like it doesn’t have to mean anything serious, because normally couples don’t move in with each other this fast. So I don’t want you to feel like I’m rushing into things.”

Cas nodded his head. It would be beneficial to move in with Shaun. But Cas didn’t know if that was a wise decision. It would make it harder to lie about everything, how he’s not actually human, he’s an angel and he kills monsters and demons. He couldn’t go on hunts without Shaun questioning it. Cas looked thoughtfully at the ground.

“I understand now. I need some time to think about it.”

“Sure of course take all the time you need.”

“Thank you for the offer.”

“So what exactly did I walk in on just now with your friend?”

“Dean and I were just-“ Cas didn’t know how to explain. “He needed a place to stay for the night.”

Shaun looked down and frowned while nodding his head.

“Looked like you were having a pretty intense conversation.”

“Yes, we were arguing, as usual.”

Shaun didn’t believe it. He decided to joke instead of questioning Cas any further.

“Hey well if that guy gives you any trouble, let me know, so I can help you kick his ass. I got a brown belt in karate when I was in high school. Just sayin.” Shaun made a fighting pose.

Cas laughed as Shaun playfully karate chopped his arm.

“That’s very impressive.” Cas grinned. Shaun put his hands together and bowed to Cas. He laughed back at him.

“Can I take you somewhere tonight Cas?”

“Like a date?”

“Yeah Cas, like a date.”

“I’d like that.”

They smiled at each other.

Dean looked down at Cas and Shaun from the window.

“What are they doing?” He asked out loud to no one.

He watched as Cas and Shaun played around and pretended to fight.

“I’m going to be sick.”

Dean got up and paced around the room.

_ What if Cas really likes that guy? What if they get married? No that’s not going to happen, that can’t happen. Does Cas love him?_

Dean bit the inside of his cheek and sat down on the bed. His leg was bouncing uncontrollably. He put his hand on his knee to stop it. He heard the door knob turn. He stood up. Cas walked in avoiding Dean’s eyes.

“So super important work stuff.. how’d that go?” Dean tried to stay calm.

“It wasn’t actually about work.”

“I never would’a guessed.”

Cas rolled his eyes.

“He actually offered me a place to stay. With him at his apartment.”

_ He has to be joking, no fucking way.  _ Dean thought.

“Oh really?” Dean leaned against the counter in the small kitchen area. “That’s great, so when’s the wedding?” Dean eyes were wide and he wore a fake smile. He looked like he was about to blow a gasket.

Cas matched his sarcasm.

“Oh it’s quite soon, I’ll be sure to send you an invite.”

Dean scoffed and looked away. He tightened his grip on the counter.

“ I’m going out on a date with him tonight so I won’t be here.”

Dean pursed his lips and nodded.

“Does he know about everything? Have you gave him the talk?”

Cas looked down.

“That’s what I thought. You can’t lie to him forever.”

“We never finished our talk.”

“Don’t change the subject.”

“Dean.”

Cas stepped into Dean’s space and stared him down with intense eyes. No matter how mad Dean was, he couldn’t hold up when Cas looked at him like that.

“I don’t need this.” Dean bumped Cas’s shoulder as he pushed away from him before Cas could speak.

“I need to call Sam.”

Dean grabbed his phone and went outside the room slamming the door behind him. He chickened out. Again. Things were happening too fast for Dean and he didn’t know how to handle it. He knew he couldn’t tell Cas exactly how he felt about him right now. He’s like a stray dog when it comes to trust and feelings. If he feels threatened or it isn’t the right timing, he’ll either bolt, or become defensive. He chose to bolt this time.

He called Sam.

“Dean I was just about to call you.”

“What for?”

“We should talk in person I can explain better that way.”

“Is everything okay?”

“Yeah or at least I think so. Just some stuff has been happening and it’s sort of freaking me out.”

“Alright I’m on my way.”

“Wait how’s Cas? Have you two made up yet?”

“No not exactly. You don’t need worry about it. I’ll be there in a few hours.”

“Okay. Hey Dean? Be nice to Cas. Tell him you’re sorry again. Please just do it.”

“Yeah sure, bye.”

“Dean seriously-“

Dean hung up.

He walked back into the room. Cas was sitting on the bed.

“I’m leaving, Sam needs me.”

“Is he alright?”

“He says he is, but I’m not so sure.”

Cas looked concerned.

“So.. have fun tonight. With your uh, boyfriend or whatever.”

Cas blinked and furrowed his eyebrows.

“Uh ok?”

Dean sighed. He couldn’t look at Cas for what he was about to say next.

“Listen uh..You deserve to be happy. And if Shaun makes you happy, then great. I am sorry for how I’ve been acting lately. It’s not who I want to be. I never should’ve came here acting like a jerk and ruin your whole parade.” Dean shrugged then made eye contact with Cas.

There was an awkward silence.

”I wasn’t aware of any parade” Cas said, confused.

Dean shut his eyes and laughed softly.

“That’s it. That’s why you deserve better. You’re too good.”

Cas stared at him softly without smiling and tilted his head.

Dean got his bag and threw it over his shoulder.

“I’ll see you around Cas.”

“Dean. I meant what I said, we’re going to finish our conversation, someday soon.”

“I know. I can’t wait ‘till then.”

Dean gave him a sad smile. They both knew this wasn’t the right time. Dean wasn’t ready. They shared a look. Dean with his emotionless stare that seems like he’s looking through Cas and not at him. And Cas with his determined eyes as if he’s trying to will Dean to do something. It’s like he’s just daring him to go for it, to say the words he needs to hear. But he never does. Cas begs Dean with his eyes. He wonders if Dean understands what that look means.

When Dean closed the door behind him, Cas grimaced. Usually Cas was always the one leaving. Cas cannot seem to get rid of his feelings for Dean. He has this great guy, offering him a place to stay, taking him on dates, and being overall a thousand times nicer than Dean ever was to him. But still, all Cas wants to do is go after Dean. He wants to get in his car and go back to Lebanon with him. He leans his elbows on his knees and puts his head in his hands. Dean was right, Cas has to be honest with Shaun or just let him go. He feels awful for what’s he’s doing to him. He wanted to believe maybe he could get over Dean, and he even thought it was working at first. Then Dean showed up. Cas doesn’t want to tell Shaun about monsters and angels and everything else, he’s better off not knowing, but he at least deserves to know about Cas’s feelings for Dean. That’s something he can be honest with him about. It won’t be easy, but Cas knows he has to do it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked this chapter! Thanks so much for the nice comments. it means a lot to me! It’s giving me some confidence to finish this fic and maybe write more in the future so thanks again:)


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